By Guest Blogger on August 30, 2010

Love Yourself First

“I’d rather be naked.” These were the words on the t-shirt I saw in Walgreens. It was a size that could only be worn by a young child. I smiled, thinking how self-love comes so naturally for young children. We are born loving ourselves soul, mind, and body, but as the years go on, we tend to forget that unconditional love and acceptance.

For many, many years I did not love myself, especially my body. It was difficult for me to even look in the mirror. I did not re-learn how to love myself from church, my family, or traditional school. In fact, I learned the true meaning of self-love through conquering a raging addiction. I was not addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or men; I was addicted to dieting. I spent six years of my life in the throes of a nasty addiction to trend diets and compulsive exercise.

How did this addiction begin? In October of my freshman year in college, after a series of negative dating experiences, questionable “friend” choices, and a coke-addicted roommate with a habit of punching holes in the wall, I fell into a depression unlike any other I had previously experienced. This lasted about two excruciating months, where I did not leave my dorm except to eat and go to class. I lost touch with my center, gained a bit of weight, and was completely unmotivated.

Then, I took up jogging. This helped alleviate my depression. It didn’t happen overnight, but running each morning gave me a reason to wake up, allowed me to set attainable goals, and connected me to a community of others who shared my passion.

However, the passion soon took on obsession-like qualities. My fixation with exercise began to include restriction and fascination with food. The diet addiction was in full swing: I began to stand on the scale once a day, sometimes more. If the number went up, my day was ruined.

Whatever the trendiest diet craze, I became their most valuable customer. I jumped from Atkins, eating all protein and meat, to an unhealthy vegan diet, eating no protein and meat. I tried South Beach and the Zone. I never ate dessert. I completely lost touch with my inner wisdom, guidance, and sense of balance.

I was buying into everyone else’s money-making “Health Plan” and completely separating from my soul, which was the intuitive part of me that knew what I needed to be healthy, at peace, and truly in love with my body and self. Furthermore, I spent a lot of time and effort “feeding” this diet/body/weight obsession. I had no energy or time left for cultivating my creativity, my spirituality, my zest for life, and my love for myself.

Just when it felt like there was no hope, I began to read and learn about Intuitive Eating, Exercising, and Living. This was a revolutionary concept for me. With the help of authors like Dr. Dorie McCubbrey and Geneen Roth, I tapped into my own inner guide and began to follow these “anti-diet” guidelines:

-My body knows exactly what it wants to eat, how much, and when.
-I can trust my body’s wisdom, hunger, and full point.
-My body knows what type of activity it wants to do and for how long.
-Following someone else’s plan only leads me further from the wisdom of my authentic self.

The most important aspect of this newfound strategy was to LOVE MYSELF FIRST and love my body NOW; not after I lost ten pounds or fit into a smaller size. I practiced daily affirmations: “I am loving and accepting myself fully right now.” I made gratitude lists of everything about my body that I appreciated. “My legs carry me through amazing jogs through the park.” I threw away my scale, refusing to sacrifice my power to a random number. I spent time naked in front of a full length mirror and noticing the beautiful curves of my body. At first, I had to “fake it till I make it,” as the saying goes, but soon I was truly loving myself and practicing self-care to show my body and soul how much I appreciated them.

I can now say that I am done with diet addiction. My body has taught me what foods help me feel energetically alive. I eat dessert, and I usually eat just enough to feel satisfied. I recognize my full point, and I try not to eat too far past it.

Furthermore, as my mind/body/soul connection grew through intuitive living, other areas of my life were positively impacted. I finally allowed myself to accept the love of my best friend, the man of my dreams. My confidence grew and I was able to move on from an exhausting job and into owning my own business, one that feeds my soul and gives back to the world.

Sometimes I have the urge to go back to that time in my life and hug that 22 year old, tell her that she is fine the way she is and that no amount of diet/weight obsession will create self-acceptance and love. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would have been like without that war I waged against myself… but I trust there was a deeper, Divine purpose.

Also, I do embrace that young woman from the past in my own way, each time I work with a client or witness a friend as she searches for self-acceptance, for her inner wisdom, and begins to love her body and self more completely. Together, we are part of a revolution of women who are choosing to love ourselves fully mind, soul, and BODY! I’m going to check if they have the “I’d rather be naked” shirts in larger sizes…

Cora Poage lives in New York City with her incredible husband Ben (her “other” soulmate) and her two crazy kitties. She is the owner of Super Woman Health, a company offering wellness coaching for learning to eat, exercise, and live intuitively.

Photo Credit: insearchofbalance

 

 

   
 

55 Comments